Study Break

[Note: I wrote this Thursday night, but I decided to put it in here just in case people still click on my xanga link on AIM haha]

I can't give you a valid answer as to why I am even typing away at this hour. No, it's not that late, but when you have an important physics midterm and a major writing assignment due the next day and you have lots of shit to get straightened, no person in their right mind would be on myspace. I hate this thing sometimes; seriously the world would be so much more productive if people weren't always putting up new pictures with the expectance of being deemed "hot" or "gorgeous" (c'mon people do you think those commentors really mean that all the time? They just want you to comment back haha), or modifying their top 8 to reflect every single event that occurs in their real life situation. But back to the task at hand...I guess I'm just on here because no one really reads my xanga anymore.  At least I don't think so.

This mound of academic crap could not have fallen into a more stressful schedule. Week five, it is safe to say that you are going to be the almost-death of me. I just need to remember that I can handle it, and whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger, right? But it does not help thinking about all of my friends that get out in about 2 weeks while I'm still up here hoping that the end of my first year of college doesn't get the best of me. It's as if a glass wall separates me and my beloved summer, I can see it but at the same time it tortures me.

As for summer, I have a feeling it's not going to be as kick-back or fun as I had hoped so. My last final is on the 14th in June, and my first day of summer school starts on the 26th. In between that time, I'm not even sure how much I'll be spending at home because I have to get everything ready to move into the apartment. By the way, we are going to live in Harvard Court anymore and not Cornell, price increase on the 3-bedroom apartment :[ Then I have July 4th off I believe - big whoop - a couple days in between the summer sessions, and a little over a week in between the end of summer school and the start of fall quarter 2006. If any of you have the sudden urge to visit me in Irvine during the summer, don't fight it! I'd be happy to offer my hospitality in exchange for some awesome quality time :]

Raf also starts his gig at Seaworld with Culture Shock SD starting in late May. Hell probably be doing Friday/Saturday/Sunday nights, so that does not leave so much time to hang out on the weekends since Ill be in Irvine during the weekdays. But I have faith that it wont be that bad and that we will continue to have some wild and crazy adventures! Haha. Besides, not too many people can say My boyfriend is on Culture Shock so represent! LOOOVE this guy.

Okay that's enough.  Time to drink more coffee and waste my energy away for the sake of good grades.  Hopefully.

Keep on Steppin'

It's a weird feeling when one of those songs comes up on the radio, the kind that has an ability to somehow transcend you to a specific moment in the past.  And it's doesn't necessarily refer to some major event, it's just for that split second you're back in a particular time frame where you remember everything vividly. I have mixed feelings about that type of nostalgia; sometimes I welcome it because the memories themselves just make me really happy.  Other times it's only a reminder of how good some things used to be and then you get that "longing" feeling.

I was just playing some songs on my itunes when "Step in the Name of Love" came on, then I stopped what I was doing and just sat there and listened.  Everytime I hear this song I'm suddenly at the Fiesta Bowl trip at that weird little barn thing where all of the bands and guards ate a bbq dinner together.  And as I'm listening all I remember is being on the dance floor with some of the the best people in the world having a good ass time.  Carefree was the way to be. The next song on my list was "Angel of Mine" and I could remember standing on the top right corner of the Mesa Verde bleachers in the gym during the 7th grade dance, watching all the oh so cool couples dancing together.  One of my friends even started to cry because she really wanted to dance with this one guy.  Haha puppy love and the days where we really had nothing to worry about yet.

But my oh my, where did the time go.  Some of these memories go so far back.  And now I'm about 2/3 done with my first year of college, and this year's seniors are starting to decide where they are all headed in the fall.  CRAZY I tell you.  It's funny because graduation is always made out to be this huge finale, the final step, a finish line of some sort, when in reality it's only the beginning of a bigger, longer, more exhausting (at least it seems like it so far) journey. I already knew that, but I wish I had taken that more into consideration earlier.

Just a couple more things:

-I can't wait to move into the apartment in the summer.  I'm pretty much over this dorm situation.  No offense to my hallmates or anything, I just need another change in scenery STAT.  Holla future roomies Melody, Lance and Derek!

-I hope I find more things that I could possibly have a genuine passion for soon.  I miss going to guard rehearsals, I miss the airbandos, I miss putting in time and effort into something that I was proud to be a part of.  Even though it got time consuming and tiresome at times, I had no doubt in my mind that I wanted to be there.  I guess I haven't really found an equivalent of that.  Yet.

-I'm on spring break until April 2, so you best be thinking of putting some time aside to hang out with me haha!  I'm in love with San Diego.

if ever i forget...

Permanent note-to-self: I am better than that.

I went through a series of events today that will completely change what I thought my life would be like in the next 7-8 months.  First of all I decided to change my major to biological sciences and abandon ship on biomedical engineering.  I honestly think I could have done it, it's just that I realized that it wasn't the way I wanted to go.  Intro to BME...needs to have better bait next time to attract more people (I don't know why I'm using all these sea analogies).  It was actually rather sad *NERD ALERT* because I like math but I had to drop it because I'm completely done with required math for biosci.  BUT I can't start any biosci stuff this year because the way that the classes are scheduled.  So my best option would be to take summer school.  In Irvine.  In the condensed form this means:

-Living at the new apartment starting sometime in June
-Summer fun with roomies
-Actually having a car to take with me!
-Spending half of the week in Irvine, then back down to SD for the other half since school will only be M-W or M-Th (I'm not sure how often I'm going to do this)
-No big vacation anywhere.  I have to attend both sessions June 26-August 3 AND August 7=September 13 :[
-Be more independent therefore take on more responsibilities
-Find a part-time job in SD or Irvine
-Less time with SD friends than expected :[
-Less time with Raf than expected :[ :[ :[ especially if he's doing Seaworld :[ but he'll still be doing his thing on Culture Shock :]
-Forcing myself to explore Irvine otherwise I'd die of boredom

It's only the beginning of winter quarter and I'm already having to think about classes for next year.  I still have to add art history tomorrow to fix my schedule, then catch up in it.

College.  It's a trip.

Currently Listening Damita Jo By Janet Jackson see related

- I Want You

this is what i want

12:01 AM.  it is now december 29th, 2005. this past year i graduated.  started college.  began life on my own.  turned 19.  could 2006 possibly top that?

i normally don't come up with new year's resolutions.  from years past i've learned that what you want and expect from the upcoming year, or rather life to be more accurate, is always going to change with the situations that you experience as time progresses.  but i guess there are a couple things that i would love to achieve in the upcoming year.  hopefully these will give me something to strive for during those inevitable times when i'm lost and thinking "what the hell am i doing with my life".

work and study smarter.  not necessarily harder.  a 3.325 gpa is a good start to my college career i guess, but with all the procrastination, being lazy, and NAPPING that i did, it only makes me wonder how much of a better position i could be in right now. 

get more involved in school.  in the beginning of the quarter i found a couple clubs that i liked and attended some meetings, but the weeks went by and my attendance eventually went out the door.  it's not that i lost interest, i guess i just got lazy.

meet new people and make more friends.  this should get easier once i get that attending-meetings-and-getting-involved situation started.  it would also help if i actually allowed myself to go out and have some fun instead of worry about school so much.

get a job.  i'm not expecting this to happen in the near future with no car up in irvine.  but we'll just see where this goes.

be nicer to my brother.  this one is self-explanatory.  but i have gotten A LOT nicer to him since i've moved up to irvine and he's started high school.  now that he's older he won't squeal on me for things and i can talk to him about, you know...high school stuff.

be a better girlfriend.  i'd think after 3 years i would get a hang of this job - no, opportunity - but there's always room for improvement.  our relationship will always be a work in progress.

take better care of my health.  i haven't been to the gym up in irvine at all yet and it's free!  and i should definitely watch my intake of commons food.  too much of that stuff will definitely pack the pounds.

and then there's stuff like how i want to:  stop spending so much on food.  find a way to get more sleep so i don't need to nap as much.  actually do something big during spring break.  have more road trips.  be better at saving money.  actually watch raf perform at a show (culture shock girlfriend bragging rights my friend).  be better at keeping in touch with old friends.  go to mexico.  learn how to play guitar, just simple stuff.  experiment with some different hairdoes.

if i can get to even half this list, i shall call it a success.  hey, that's just how college courses work :p